With the new year already in full swing, many of you may be thinking about dating in a new or fresh way. And I get it. A new year can feel like a reset - a chance to try again, reflect, and approach dating differently.

Dating in your 30s and beyond can feel messy and discouraging at times. You’ve likely had experiences that didn’t work out, and it’s easy to lose confidence or start questioning whether meeting your person is really possible. At the same time, this season of life can be incredibly powerful for intentional dating and building confidence in dating, especially when you know where to focus your energy.

As many of you know, I met my boyfriend after taking myself through The Dating Reset. While I’m no longer single, I often get asked how I would approach dating if I were starting fresh in the new year. Here’s exactly what I’d focus on.

1. I’d Get Clear on Who I Want to Attract - and How I Want to Feel

I wouldn’t start with apps, rules, or strategies. I’d start inwards with myself.

I’d sit down with a pen and paper and write out a few key traits I’d want in a partner - things like:

Someone who can make me laugh
Someone who makes me feel comfortable and at ease being myself
Someone loving and emotionally available

Then I’d spend time focusing and visualizing on how I want to feel when I’m with this person: Calm. Safe. Open. Loved. Free to be myself, exactly as I am.

When you’re dating in your 30s and beyond, attraction is about so much more than surface-level chemistry. Getting clear on how you want to feel helps guide your decisions and keeps you aligned with what you’re actually looking for.

2. I’d Get Honest About What’s Been Holding Me Back

If I were starting fresh, I’d take an honest look at what I believe has held me back in dating. I know this can be a very hard thing to do for a lot of people, and I get it. It’s asking you get deep, honest, uncomfortable, and super vulnerable, and for some, that may be something they do NOT want to do. I personally did not do this for most of my dating life, until my mid-30’s when I realized… I want dating to actually feel and be different. That was my motivator.

So for many people, things that could be holding them back in dating could be:

Lack of confidence in dating
Fear of rejection
A scarcity mindset
Limiting beliefs, such as thinking the people you’re attracted to wouldn’t be attracted to you
Amongst many other things unique to you

I’d journal about these patterns and actively work on them through personal development, coaching, mindset work, small behavior shifts and practices, and somatic tools.

Building confidence in dating in your 30s and beyond isn’t about forcing yourself to be fearless - it’s about understanding your patterns and learning how to support yourself through them.

3. I’d Gently Push Myself Outside My Comfort Zone

I used to be very afraid of rejection. I wouldn’t make eye contact with someone I found attractive at a coffee shop or bar, let alone say hello.

Looking back, I can see how my lack of confidence and limiting beliefs contributed to that - which is exactly why step two is so important.

If I were single now, I’d gently push myself to practice showing up with a little more confidence in everyday moments. That might look like making eye contact, smiling, or starting small conversations - without pressure, self-criticism or perfectionism.

Confidence is a skill. And like any skill, it’s built through practice. I’d hold myself accountable, while also giving myself compassion along the way.

SO TO SUMMARIZE

If I were single and dating in the new year, these are the three things I’d focus on:

Getting clear on who I want to attract and how I want to feel
Working through what’s been holding me back
Practicing confidence in everyday moments

All of this is exactly what I guide you through in The Dating Reset. If you’d like more support and tangible action steps that fit into your real life, The Dating Reset is available in two formats:

A self-paced workbook, or
An email coaching experience that offers more guidance and accountability

Let’s make this the year you take charge of your dating life. I truly believe we have more control than we think - especially when we approach dating with intention, confidence, and self-trust.

Happy New Year, wishing you all a year filled with everything you’ve ever wanted = it is so possible for you 🤍