A few years ago, before I learned about intentional dating, I used to date in a way that felt emotionally exhausting - even when things were going well. I overanalyzed texts, replayed conversations, and spent way too much time wondering what the other person was thinking (ugh).

If you’ve ever found yourself doing the same, I get it. Dating can bring up so much uncertainty, especially in your 30s and 40s when you’ve had your share of heartbreaks or disappointments.

Looking back now, I can see how much energy I wasted trying to “do dating right.” If I had known then what I know now, dating would have felt so much lighter - and honestly, I probably would’ve met my person sooner. That’s why I’m excited to share a few shifts that helped me stop overthinking, rebuild my confidence, and finally enjoy dating again.

1. Reframe Rejection: It’s Not About You

When I used to overthink every date, what I was really doing was trying to protect myself from rejection. I didn’t want to get hurt or start over again, especially when finding a real connection already felt hard enough.

Over time, I learned that rejection isn’t personal - it’s just information. You’ve probably rejected someone before, not because they weren’t good enough, but because it just didn’t feel like the right fit.

The same goes the other way around. When someone doesn’t choose you, it’s a form of redirection. Each “no” gets you closer to the right “yes.” The more you can see rejection as a neutral moment instead of a reflection of your worth, the easier it becomes to stay confident and open.

✨ Try this: When you feel rejected, repeat:

“Rejection is redirection - toward someone who’s actually aligned with me.”

2. Focus on Being You on Dates

For years, I tried to be what I thought the guy I was dating wanted. If someone was into politics, I’d research talking points, recent events, and tried to hold an intelligent convo (sooo exhausting). I was performing instead of connecting.

It was exhausting.

When I finally started showing up as myself fully and unapologetically, everything shifted.
When I met my now-boyfriend, I asked him, “What are your goals for the night?” He said, “To enjoy it. What about you?” I replied, “To make out with someone.” That led to a conversation about our mutual interest in a 90s band, and we ended up having such an incredible night.

That moment taught me that the right person doesn’t need you to perform. They just need you to BE YOU.

✨ Confidence Tip: Before a date, write down three things you genuinely love about yourself. Read them aloud to ground yourself in who you are.

3. Set an Intention Before Each Date

Instead of going in with the goal of “I hope they like me,” try setting a softer, self-focused intention like:

“I want to be present and enjoy this conversation.”
“I’m curious to see if we have chemistry.”
“I’m practicing being open and grounded.”

This small shift changes the entire energy of dating. It keeps your focus on what you can control - your presence, your energy, and your enjoyment - instead of trying to manage theirs (so hard to do)

4. Manage Post-Date Overthinking

After a date, I like to do a quick debrief journal session:

How did I feel during the date?
Was I relaxed or anxious?
Did I feel curious, inspired, or drained?

If I enjoyed myself, I’ll send a genuine text saying so and let things unfold naturally. If I notice myself spiraling, I pause, breathe, and come back to my grounding practices or affirmations from my intentional dating toolkit.

This process helped me stop riding the emotional rollercoaster of dating and start trusting in myself and my self-worth, independent of a guy’s approval of me.

Closing

Learning to date confidently isn’t about pretending you’re fearless - it’s about building enough self-trust to stay grounded, curious, and authentic even when things feel uncertain.

These shifts helped me move from anxious and exhausted to calm and connected - and they ultimately led me to my partner.

If you’re ready to date from a more grounded, confident place, The Dating Reset might be the next step for you. It’s the exact approach I used to reconnect with myself, heal dating burnout and limiting beliefs, and approach love with optimism and hope again.

👉 [Learn more about The Dating Reset here]